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One of the best things about being a millennial is learning which industry we’re currently hurting and/or killing. You’d think we were a bunch of blood-thirsty young ‘uns looking for our next prey if you see all the headlines.

Millennials are given credit for killing dozens of industries, from work-life to laundry supplies. The latest, and funniest, is that we’re hurting Hooters.

We’re supposedly destroying chain restaurants in favor of locally sourced, farm-to-table restaurants. We’re killing the napkin industry (team paper towel) and the fabric softener industry.

I feel like I owe an apology to the housing industry, because apparently we’re destroying it. Facts to chew on: the median price of a house has increased by 67 percent since 1990; median income has only increased by 11 percent (Forbes); the average student loan debt is $37,172. Yet, some “experts” will tell you it’s because we buy too much avocado toast.

The hotel industry is taking a hit because we love Airbnb and Airbnb loves us. We’re killing the wine cork industry because we like cheap boxed wine (who doesn’t?), and we’re killing breakfast cereal. Is it healthy to eat sugar for breakfast? No. Do I do eat it anyway, defying the odds? Yes.

Beer sales fell 1 percent from 2016 to 2017, so people quickly credited millennials. However, that statistic is for the major beer brands like PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon), not smaller, independent craft beer companies. This proves that millennials have the superior taste in drinks.

My favorite is that we’re killing the practice of shaking hands. In place of handshakes, I propose fistbumps or touching forefingers. Kind of like E. T., or that one Michelangelo painting.

Cable TV is dying, but I think we were just first on the bandwagon. Netflix, Hulu and other streaming services are so much cheaper and you have more control over what you pay for. It’s not hard to set up, I promise.

By looking at headlines, we also killed traditional baby names, the Big Mac, designer handbags, department stores, bars of soap, yogurt, and the 9-to-5 work day. Truly, I have no idea how we accomplished becoming the most popular scapegoat for the changing times.  

According to redalertpolitics.com, millennials killed The American Dream. Or did The American Dream kill us? No one wants to be a traveling sports equipment salesman, there’s no market, Mr. Loman. We can all learn from Arthur Miller.

So which industry is next?

The sticky note industry? Toilet paper? Gyms? Wait, I just read that we’re already killing the gym industry. Sorry.

I’ll let you all know which industry we’ve decided to destroy next after our monthly millennial meeting. (Just kidding. It’s a biannual meeting.)

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