DEAR AMY:

My friend and I were always the party girls in our group, always up for a good time, drinking and dancing until the sun came up. I treasured the close bond we shared and our fun, carefree lifestyle. I recently became pregnant and my husband and I are thrilled. My party-girl lifestyle has dramatically altered. Although my aforementioned friend is very excited for us, I’m having trouble with her and the lifestyle I used to enjoy. In a few months, we have a planned beach vacation and I am torn. Part of me wants to cancel, simply because I do not want to spend several days watching her get drunk and putting up with her antics. Another part of me understands that I, just a few months ago, was this person as well, whether I like to see the behavior or not. I understand that pregnancy and child rearing change relationships and perhaps my friend is struggling. I am worried that talking to her about it will start a fight, but keeping it in doesn’t work. What should I do? — Pregnant and Confused

DEAR Confused:

Now that you’re sober, you should be brave enough to acknowledge the change in your friendship. The world looks different when you’re no longer viewing it through the bottom of a plastic go-cup. What you should not do is become self-righteous in the face of these changes in your own life. Your friend is simply doing what she has always done. You should acknowledge that you are the one who has changed. You seem to be dreading this beach vacation, and so you should cancel. Tell your friend, ‘I just can’t party like I used to. I hope you can find someone else who can take my place.’

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