These are the first four things I will do if I become president (or king or czar or whatever). I don’t expect that to happen, but we all should be ready for these changes — just in case:

CHANGE #1 — We should do away with the “half-holidays” we observe, such as Columbus Day this past Monday. American holidays should be special occasions for everybody … or nobody.

 It’s not right that only governmental workers, financial people and a few others have these days off, while the rest of America works as usual. For the most part, there are no parades, speeches or observances on these smaller holidays anyway. This makes no sense, and it isn’t fair.

 It should be all or nothing for Columbus Day, Veterans Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day, as well as the “big holidays” such as New Year’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. We probably should throw Halloween into the new holiday group, too, since not much gets done on that sugar-charged day anyway.

CHANGE #2 — While we’re at it, our new group of “Everybody-Gets-The-Day-Off Holidays” should mean EVERYBODY GETS THE DAY OFF. Let’s give airline and railroad workers that day off, too. Close all the restaurants, gas stations, factories, offices, department stores — everything. (Sorry, police, fire fighters and hospital staffers, but I know you understand.)

 You could still drive somewhere if you want, but be sure you have a full tank of gas and enough milk, eggs and beer before the holiday begins. Again, why should some people get to stay home, when restaurant servers and cooks, gas station workers, airline employees and others always have to work? Most would rather have a day off, instead of the double or triple time pay they get … while the bosses stay away from the job those days anyway.

CHANGE #3 — If we’re straightening up our government (good luck with that), let’s do away with the U.S. penny and the U.S. nickel. Every price should be rounded up to 10 cents, and maybe even the U.S. dime should go, too. You cannot use pennies or nickels to buy 99.9 percent of things anymore, so let’s let them retire gracefully.

 Just because we did it that way 100 years ago doesn’t mean it still makes sense (or cents) today. Besides, we’re all headed toward digital currency soon enough. Bye-bye to those coins we love but never really use. Let’s make our systems as efficient and logical as possible.

CHANGE #4 — Along that same line, let’s do away with the U.S. $1 bill. Instead, let’s develop a $1 coin that is more practical and lasts longer. Canada wisely has $1 and $2 coins — we should, too. All these changes could begin maybe Jan. 1, 2025, allowing us all to prepare for our total holidays, new monetary coins… and a little more time off for EVERYBODY.

Opinions offered in this column are the author’s alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Tri-County Times or its staff. Email Mark Rummel at

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