• A mother is a person who, upon seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

• Mirror, mirror on the wall, I became my mother after all.

• A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. 

• The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never.

•Definition of a sweater: garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly.

• A mother never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.

• If evolution really exists, how come mothers only have two hands? 

• Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

• Don’t ever tell the mother of a newborn that her baby’s smile is just gas. 

• A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don’t even have.

• The word ‘mother’ is a verb, not a noun.

• Mom — the person most likely to write an autobiography and never mention herself.

• It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.

• All mothers are working mothers.

• A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

• Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother.

• Birth is the only time when you cry and your mother smiles.

• Pregnancy and childbirth make a woman a mother, but all the days that follow are what makes her mom.

• Mothers of little boys work from son up, until son down.

• Mothers and daughters are closest when daughters become mothers.

• No matter how old a mother is, she still watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

• A mom’s hug lasts far longer than when she actually lets go.

• The only woman I ever truly loved was another man’s wife … my mother.

• Throughout history, there was never a great man who had not a great mother.

• A mother is the only person in your life who has no ulterior motives. Her only motive is love.

• If at first you don’t succeed, do it like your mother told you.

• The one thing my mother never taught me was how I would cope without her.

• Only your mother will tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if she has to lie to do it.

Opinions offered in If I Were King are the author’s alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Tri-County Times or its staff. Email the King at Some content adapted from the internet.

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