• Never in history has Windows ever actually found a solution when it crashes and says, “checking for a solution to the problem.”

• Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th” in them.

• The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in court.

• Technically, every mirror ever made is “used” before it is ever sold.

• We sneeringly refer to “spoiled rich kids” but spend our lives striving to make our children “spoiled rich kids.”

• There’s no butter in buttermilk, it’s what’s left after churning all the butter out.

• When a cowboy “rides off into the sunset” and thus has to camp overnight just a mile from town, why didn’t he just stay in town until morning?

• The Michigan Lottery is exactly the opposite of what Robin Hood did.

• China has one billion people. That means things with a “one in a million” chance of happening occur a thousand times a day.

• Were you to get your tongue caught in a mousetrap, you would then pronounce it as “mouth trap” which, ironically, would be correct.

• On your 30th birthday you have spent one month of your life having birthdays.

• It must be very frustrating for nudists to try to clean their glasses.

• Every study indicates that women, when hungry, have a far lower desire for sex or any romance.

• Has anyone ever actually said, “He died in the living room.” Talk about irony.

• History classes are only going to get longer as time passes, so become a history teacher if you want job security.

• Through, tough, thorough, thought, trough and though don’t rhyme. But pony and bologna do.

• The kind of people who might choose to “mess with Texas” would probably not be the kind of people who would be dissuaded by a bumper sticker.

• You never really realize how little shampoo you actually need until the bottle is almost empty.

• The term “may or may not” is a classic example of redundancy.

• A typical pencil can draw a line 35 miles long (it’s the same as writing 50,000 English words).

• The human body is designed to require an average of 10 hours of sleep each day.

• When you say “a ton of people” you are really just talking about 10-15 people.

• Only dead fish “go with the flow.”

• What’s up with hair? We say “hair” when referring to lots of it, but say “hairs” when referring to just two or three.

• Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 20 so you can, you know, choose.

• If every person in America were to stand shoulder-to-shoulder, we could all fit in the city limits of Tallahassee, Florida.

• If every person in the world were to stand shoulder-to-shoulder, we could all fit in the city limits of Los Angeles, California. I didn’t believe it either, but it’s true.

• Coca-Cola would be green if not for the massive food coloring that is added.

• Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?

Opinions offered in If I Were King are the author “s alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Tri-County Times or its staff. Email the King at Some content adapted from the internet.

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